.damato.

yesterday..

i anticipated for his call.work ended at 8pm.i slept in the bus..and was awoken by the frequent vibrating of fone..it was him..:) i smiled..i heaved a sigh of relief..coz without any comfort,his voice makes me feel better..and he noes i've been so tired this past few weeks..and yes,he's always been there for me..i dun even talk about work to him,but i guess by tonality he noes wat's gng on..and dun question further..he just understand by that 'baby..' from me at the start of the call..so i dun complain neither have i vent it on anyone..i guess it's all in my chest still..but i've been controlling it..that lethargic feeling and need to let everything out..and eventually,yesterday i lost it.

i was having fever towards end of the day..must've gotten it from him..he's still sick and he has to take some test today..no idea wat..ns shitzits.poor thing..sigh..anw,so then he told me about saturday.i broke down.i feel realli pathetic coz it's a small matter.but i just couldnt control myself..all those chokes and breathings were way hard to control it..i was struggling to get my words out..in the end sounded as though i was shouting at him,though i wasn't.he understood..and stayed patient.yet i wanted him to shout at me or something..im just so tired after work..and all i want is a gd conversation..of plans on saturday and stuffs like it..a small little mistake,i lost it all...there,i told him wat's gng on..there and then,i told him wat's been making me feel so pressurised.and i guess he was caught offguard..it was afterall a sudden outburst.

sigh..he sacrificed..just for me..im feeling guilty...but i do need him..i texted him that 'i hate him'.and im hating myself much more for saying that.i despise myself..i dun hate him..i hate ns,yes.fucking yes.but i dun hate him..and i'll nvr hate him..coz he's always there for me..and he's the only guy that i noe that will do and sacrifice for me..it's nt gd..coz it's all about compromising and things shouldnt go my way all the time.imma brat,i noe..but somehow he'll just find ways to still keep his promises..i noe he loves me a lot..and to receive that much love from someone is just so important..it's worth to keep when i can feel his love for me..eventhough 8months had passed..still i feel it fresh in my heart..god,ej..u have no idea how much im appreciative of u..and how much i love and need u in my life..coz i bet i'll be a bitch each day after work,just like how i was in the past..whereby each thing will trigger me to be so pissed,nobody would wanna bother me..yet,u soothed me.u calmed me down..thank you,baby...thank you..but no words would be enuf to show my gratitude..but i'll show my love to u instead..thank you..

happy tuesday,addicts.