.coz.i.cant.take.it.anymore.

love's still there..but faith had long been gone...

didnt go to work yesterday.faked diarrheoa coz i couldnt open my eyes..so whole day i bummed at home and got my ultimate rest which i badly needed..the night bfore ej had called to inform me that he'll be able to fetch me after work on friday as he'll be able to book out on that day..i was in joy and full of anticipation..my heart beats for that day to come...yet,i didn't noe it will be another hope being turned down..

my eyes are swollen right now..both eyes..due to the longest cry i've ever had for years..he noes and i guess by now everyone noes,even my ex bfs noe that i hate false hopes and empty promises..i can hate u for that..n i can make one regret giving me such hopeful thought..so last night he called..i was glad to hear his voice..but once he said there's bad news,i geared myself up for the worst..

next wk,for straight 7 days i wont be able to talk wat more see him..7 fucking fucking days.no calls,nothing..due to his fieldcamp at tekong.fine..i cant do anything abt it..he told me abt this since last wk.fine with me..hence anticipated that hope of meeting him on friday.waddya noe..bubble burst and (my heart's beating fast now..i still feel all the rage)i was deeply upset about it all.he informed that even if he's able to book out on friday,it will be in the evening.or not it's saturday morning,which saturday night he has to fucking book in again.and then on sunday morning the army boys have their morning run at marina bay then after at night they gotta book in again.which starts that whole one fucking fucking week of fieldcamp.FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

yes im fucking pissed off and i noe i cant do anything about it.he himself have no power to control all this.but why the fuck do this management gotta do all these?!?they steal the precious time when it's already fucking scarce for us.yes i can be fucking selfish but who can blame me when 5 fucking days he gotta do national SLAVERY and i wont be able to mit him.they say i gotta understand.tell me...as far as one could understand,wont u be upset and pissed about it!?!?

as i lash over the fone,he said that i can be all pissed..but i dun blame u..and yes,im feeling so much hatred.i cant do anything to ns..wish i could just rip this whole thing.not awol,but to just give some liniency eventhough that's beyond believable.but u noe fucking wat?!due to all this,im starting to lose everything.gng in ns means that they've stole everything from me.sure ive got frens and family..but wat happens when i cant depend on 'oh-mr-bf',and decided to turn to my own fucking sister,but all she did was to not get bothered when all i need is someone to just fucking listen and shut up.i need guys.i need guy frens.and johnny is ever so far from me.coz with guys,they'll be honest and not sugar coat their words.u noe wat?!fuck this whole thing!and it's obvious im being petty..but fuck it all.i mean it.i have the rights to be pissed,evethough there's no solution to anything.just let me be.fuck ns,fuck fieldcamps,fuck weekends.

and when he said he cant blame me for all the rage,well u noe wat?it contradicts his words when he was lashing on me back.fuck you.i ended the call.

u tell me that i gotta be patient and strong.im sorry to say but being strong's wearing me out.when i try and try..but end of the day it's you that brings me down.and u told me to have faith..sorry babe..but faith had long been gone..love?yes i still love u,eventhough i have much hatred more that's empowering that stupid fucking stinky thing called love.but im willing to wait.but dude,i dunno how long i can last.that's my honest answer to you.

happy wednesday,effers.