im on the verge of giving up..i've lost hope,faith and beliefs..not patience..i can be patient..i've told myself i long for his return..and i'll always be there..
2 months bfore he goes in ns,he told me wat's likely to happen..whereby he can only book out on weekends and time would be limited for us..i got myself ready and constantly remind myself..and then now that he's in ns,i dun get upset just coz i cant see him on weekdays..coz i was mentally prepared for it..the first day of ns,he told me that they gotta surrender their mobiles..which means they'll get to hold/use the fone only once,each night..i took time to adjust to that..and now,im prepared..dun expect anything outta it..
because of all these hopes which had been turned down,and i got myself prepared for wat i should do on my part,i change my focus on something else so that there's something to look forward to...which is his book outs on weekends..and now it's turning to false hopes all over again..and i wonder..wat could it be other than all these for me to anticipate each day?i only look forward to saturdays with him coz that's where both can give the utmost attention to each other..that's the only day we can spend quality time and make up for times lost..and now...?i dunno how long i can last,seriously..there's nothing that im anticipating anymore..yea,i can be so selfish where i just want him,him,him..eventhough i noe hell for sure he has other committments..but i just need every saturday with him,and only him.coz i've placed my mind to it..coz i've been ever so hopeful..and now it all came crashing down like a bullet slowly piercing thru one's heart..
i love him so much..i love him too much that i realli hurts..and maybe even if i were to go,at least he'll have more time for other committments of his..im not being sarcastic..it's just one burden less off his shoulders..and im still contemplating...still thinking...still deciding...and it's so tempting..coz i dun wanna be hopeful anymore..and i dun wanna anticipate gd things that will only be turned down at the end of the day..and then i'll be left limp and have to pull myself again...i just dun wanna be hopeful..i can't make do with false hopes and empty promises...for the past few days,i've been so depressed..and i just cant seem to hold on..coz there's nothing for me to hold onto..everything is going down..
and wat happened 4 months ago is still haunting me..and that doesn't help at all..
happy wednesday to you..
1 comment:
Babe, i feel you, seriously...
but if u really love him, just hang on for abit....
NS sucks big time(i know) and the most common perception about guys who have a gf when they enter NS, they became single when they ORD. Reason is, either the gf couldnt be patient enuf or theres a third party. So prove it wrong. Prove that u can do it.
I know ur patient, and u love him that much, so hang on for the sake of all the good times u had with him. Leaving him would not ease a burden off his shoulder like u wanted to do but instead it will add on the load of burden on his shoulder. Imagine the amount of stress and the state of depression he'd undergo if the love of his life were to leave him..
Hang on, babe...i know its easier said than done but i have gone thru what ur undergoing now back in 2006, and time flies, Hassan is finishing his NS in 2months time.
Just keep urself extremely busy on the days that u cant mit him or talk to him. Go out with ur frens.
u have great frens supporting u like rai and tsue...be strong ok.
love,
lulu =))
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