.i.tried.to.pull.through.

it used to be lovely..but time stole it all...

i'm back at work and im feeling so sick.think i'm running a fever and wat's worse is when i feel like puking..god..the feeling's terrible..but i can't afford to go on half day nor time off..since i just got back from 4 days of holiday..honestly right now i feel like gng back to genting..or even to kl eventhough it was scorching hot and i didnt enjoy myself much,pale in comparison to when i was at genting..the weather..how family had fun..it was awesome..

i wanna go back there..no worries and just relax and have fun..how i dun think too much of my personal problems and how about overcoming it..yet,now when i'm back..god..how fucking much i hate it all..no pillar to lean on nor to depend on..i noe i gotta overcome this myself..with all the problems piling up,and work's not giving help and all..anticipating to 4 more days bfore i finally mit him..but honestly,that anticipation's fading away..that distance's killing me..yea,i gotta understand..no matter wat i gotta be there for him..but it's realli killing me..to not hear that joy in his voice anymore..ns is being a bitch..and i totally agree and very much hate it.i noe i gotta be patient.but it's running out when at the end of the day,i'm only trying to run away from all the problems life had thrown at me and i gotta fake being happy.

i just can't take with all the responsibilties mum just talked to me about..wat with the secret liz had asked me to hold,which is huge coz we're talking about my own sister..wat with mum and elder sister...fucking hell...i just wanna get out from this mess..it doesnt involve me,eventhough they're my family..but it wasn't me who wanted to create the problem at the first fucking place.ahh fuck.i just wanna get out from everything...each day,i wait for his call..coz his voice makes me better...each day i ask how's his day..each day i'll remind him that i love him...each day i dun talk about my life at all..each day i try to make him feel better coz he misses his family...each fucking day,i think about my problems...and each fucking day,i pretend,lied and faked my day through it all.

and i'm fucking exhausted.

happy tuesday,cannibals.