.baby.you.gotta.be.strong.

coz yesterday...i fell..

it was hard..counting the number of minutes that will pass me by..hoping time could just be fast forwarded just so i'll listen to his voice again..did overtime and i was completely exhausted as i rested on the bed.time was 9pm.still,i received no calls..so i texted and i tried calling.but mobile was switched off...

showered and brought my fone with me..wherever i go..i can't miss this chance..i just can't afford to..time went past 9.30...past 9.45..i cried..they gotta surrender by 10pm..is there any chance for him to call me?i wondered..there i was crying my eyes out,till finally at 9.53,my fone rang.

i couldnt control those tears from flowing neither could i control those hiccups and chokes in my voice..i knew for sure that as fast as how he tried to call,that's as fast as how the officer would want them to end their calls..3mins.that's all i had.

3mins of myself tearing,not even talking..and i shouldnt have done that.my sobs were uncontrollable.i couldnt stop it.i'm sorry...but this ns thing is killing me..no.just surrendering their fone's killing me...honestly i cant go a day without knowing he's well..he's okay..wiped those sheer sadness away as i had promised to call his mum.

she did make me feel better..talked about him and how his remarks could be..and all those memories where mums have of her son..and it was beyond words as i could see the love that a parent could give and provide..

i couldn't sleep till 3am..i've been fagging a lot..and it's weird not talking to him during lunch or when im otw home..or even when im home..i still have not gotten used to this,though it's already 4 days he's gone..but i noe i will eventually..off to genting on friday till monday..i gotta subsribe for auto-roam..it sucks to force oneself to sleep every night..when all i need was u to make me sleep..just like how it used to be...

happy tuesday,lasses.