.indescribable.

something i need to say coz it'll be nothing when you're gone..

went home last night ever so shagged..once i reached the front door mum asked me to call my 16yr old cousin.the fact that i'm not as close to her..so i wondered wat happened till i gotta talk to her..mum said the night bfore she tried committing suicide.she was at the ledge of my aunt's living room window..and she stays at the 21st storey.wtf!!i was appalled upon hearing the news..and i feel sad for her..she's still in her teens..wat made her so stressed up to go to the extend of ending her life??yea..her parents had an impromptu divorce..it was shocking news as everyone learnt of that.but to end her life just coz her dad's gone?it can be sad..i may not feel her coz my parents were together though dad passed on..but i do understand her..she must be feeling so stressed and unloved,i guess...but honestly,wat do i say?i noe her influence by friends are bad..and the fact that she informed me last yr that she's into the 'emo' scene(wtf)had left me with a stigma that 'madrasah' girls can be bad.that's my opinion,of course..exterior they are fully-clothed..interior,they have a bad heart..well who could blame me?the fact that my dad's side of the family wear scarf..from the young to the old ones..yet they gossip,are arrogant and are show-offs.oh wells..

wat do i tell her?when she told me she's an 'emo' i told her "okay...well,let's just make sure i dun see u cutting ur wrists or shits like it."and then now?a year later??*sigh* i do wanna talk to her..ej said.."just tell her life is full of surprises..and she's too young to end her life..divorce is not the end of everything.." but would that explain everything?she may not understand at all..and if she were to seek help from her frens,wat advices would they give??just slash those wrists??*slaps forehead*

i think wat she needs is to just be patient and of course she needs attention from her mum..my aunt can be very unreasonable at times..lashing at her for no apparent reason and of course,not caring whether it's public or at home..i guess it makes everyone think of wat they really need to provide for my cousin.if the family of my dad's side are not as crude and arrogant,i think me,pipi and yana would've been close to the other cousins..see,we are the only 3 that are not wearing scarves..although we were being forced to at times,and yes,we still ignore..coz look at it this way..i'm not ready..i believe that once i wear a head scarf,that's the time that i would have to noe myself..to be closer to God and to be somewat pure..coz wat's the point of covering up,looking pious,yet u're talking behind someone's back,doing things you noe you shouldn't be doing?isn't that a sin that one's creating?so knowing myself,i noe hell for sure im not ready..coz i'll be lying with myself,wat more to God.

ej called yesterday and that conversation made me happy all day long,up till today...yes,he might book out on friday night..im not putting my hopes high..coz i dun wanna get disappointed at the end of the day..but wat made me so ecstatic is coz we had a gd conversation..eventhough it's short,it was pale in comparison to last few days'.yes,i love him.

happy wednesday,& it's time to do my eyebrows after work,fellas..