.spiteful.vengeance.

'a piece of my life', 'arena of concealment' by caliban. these are the 2 songs on replay mode every morning to work. and yes,it'll always be a great morning..

last night was lazing on the couch,reading the book 'a thousand splendid suns'.i think that's the title.all i noe it's the book after 'kite runner'.and yes,the book im reading is realli awesome..it's abt how the girls in afghan live..and how they are being married to men at such a young age.gosh..it was real hard to put the book down,though i was already so sleepy...

ej called and instead of himself sounding so tired,it seems as though it was my turn..in the afternoon i had too much things on my mind..work+ej+renting of houses had made me so shagged..i was an airhead once i reached home.hence i didnt sound as happy as the boy on the other line..he asked why and informed i sounded sad..i told him that it's nothing and we should just brush it off..was just plain tired..but he,being the person that loves me,noes me too well and said.."u missed ej,huh?u missed the old me?" there,i started crying..

he apologised for the things that shouldnt have mattered..he apologised for changing,of being tired each time..and myself,i just dun see the reason for the apology..he didnt do anything wrong..it's not his fault for being tired every nite..training's tough and all..all i wanted was the old him back..that tired,yet happy bf that i once knew..not the tired and grumpy bf that i've been with for the past few days..

he did promise me last 2 nights he'll text me..so i reminded him and he asked how many texts that i want..and i said 'ten thousand.' and we laughed and started negotiating..time was wasted as suddenly i could hear his officers shouting at them to give their mobiles back.abrupt silence.he knew i was damn upset.and i could hear his guilt thru the thick silence.

we said our gdbyes..and he still sounded apologetic..hating myself for his guilt,i tried to answer our standard gdbyes in a cheery voice,yet it failed me..and i requested to get my ej back..and told him to inform ej that i miss him so..and he said that he'll try to get ej back to me..and we hung up with dark cloud hovering us.and so i cried myself to sleep...for no reason that i could find..

he'll be booking out 2mrw..and after telling him that i might be out on saturday,we tried to adjust our plans...a week more to go bfore his pop..even that didnt make me better neither do i feel any relief...i just need the old ej back..the one that anticipates each call even sacrificing his smoke break just to talk to me coz he misses me so..the one that gives a cheerful hello and the one that will make me laugh in each conversation,eventhough time would be scarce for us..but still,no matter wat..i love him with all my heart..no matter wat happens...i love you no matter wat..

happy thursday,YEAY BESOK!!