.your.lies.and.deceit.

drunken stupor?

in between our meet ups u'll get a text..from a fren that we both noe..a girl..had an arugment abt it,thinking what she wants and everything else..trusting the fact that she's just a fren that we both knew and nothing else.yesterday,sunday..in the midst of the movie u received a text from her.hastily u kept ur cell back in ur pocket.asked wat she wants.u said dunnoe..u cant reply coz my fault of not paying the bill yet.i sat at the corner feeling so detached from u..i finally gave in as we intertwined our fingers again...

today somehow my heart says..check out her profile..waddayanoe,she had just uploaded a new album..st james the other time that he went..where he said an event to be out with his bunkmates..trusted.note,i hate bfs gng to club.im just insecure that way.situation cocked up as u called that day saying he's only with his cq and our frens..the boys and some girls i noe..i think.isn't it supposed to be your boy's day out with ur ns frens?now where are they?and how come the rest are all there?argued,quarrelled but things resolved.note,this was prolly a month ago.

the album consists of my best fren's sister.individually i see them both,as i love the best fren very much.hearing stories from her about the sister,i thought nothing less..coz i noe her,and consider her as a fren.

suddenly i see u in one of the picture..hhhmm...how come u're part of it?the same shirt u wore gng to st james before sending me off to work..though 2 jugs of prolly beer/vodka orange was covering ur right profile,i knew that shirt.
hell...wat's there to think about...i skipped and went back to my profile and did my stuffs..

again i went back coz it seemed suddenly weird..i scrutinize the picture again as i saw wat i dread the most..it was a shocking sight as i've always thought the best of u..and trusting u to st james..it was maybe the worst thing i could ever do..my body shook violently against the cold..not from the aircon nor fan that's in front of me...but from a cold blow smacked right in my face.my heart thumps madly...i looked and looked again.that kiss.

maybe u were intoxicated..out of a drunken stupor..maybe my eyes played a trick on me.but right there,the evidence's so clear right in front of me..i cant believe wat u did...i just cant believe it..

i gave a benefit of a doubt,thinking the picture deceived me.i called.u swore to god nothing happened..u denied everything.yet,when i was talking to u,the picture's rite in front of me.

words may lie.hearing things may be a gossip.but pictures?they are the sole evidence of everything.

im still shaking and am choking on own's tears..i cant cry..not when im at work...already mistakes i kept doing..simply cant concentrate seeing wat had happened..blurring my vision with the water welling up wouldn't help at all...im simply disappointed in u..the last person i could ever think of to be cheating behind my back.yet right now,it's all in front of me.

i should've trusted my instincts when i read the texts she sent to u rather than believing ur words.it's past 14months we've been together..maybe u're off for some adventure..or maybe u want something more..and maybe she has wat i dun have.but honestly,i cant think of anything that she has that i don't.i'm brave enough and confident enough to say that i am much better than her and i dun need anyone else to tell me that im wrong.she may be older than me,or u..but that doesnt mean she noes well of wat's right or wat's wrong.hell,her bf's my neighbour for fuck's sake.

to think of wat u did u to me is absolutely absurd.for the first time i am speechless and nothing came to mind.not rage,not arguments,nothing.just plain shocked and disappointment.

it's time that i believe in myself and not your words.or anybody else's.i know that when u say ur 'i love yous' and 'i miss yous' are all sincere.but i would never noe whether it was meant for someone else...and i dunno how much that love weighs anymore.

i dun care about u telling me not to publicise our problems..see the thing here is that...this is my life now..no longer ours..

strike one,that 4months into the relationship i saw the text of u saying u missed her.(and u noe whom i'm talking about.)i trusted u still,i belived in you still,i gave u a chance. strike two,u lied saying u went out with ur uncle,but actually u were out with a fren of ours.i gave in,gave another chance. strike three,u did this. isn't this when they say.."you're out."?

you cheated.plain simple as that.

**i dont write names coz their names dun deserve to be in my blog.
neither in my life anymore.