.it.all.became.my.silent.scream.

good times..

breathe....

i miss him. i miss hearing his voice and i miss his laughter. i miss imagining his smile when he's talking over the phone. i miss his arms of grace and i miss his protection. i miss him and there's nothing else that i'm thinking of than a heart feeling amiss.

we have yet to talk properly and resolve things..each time i call, his cell will be switched off..there's no way that i can get thru him..i would rather have this done and over with..not the 'deciding' part,but to just get the truth and to hear any explanations that he may give.. i just need him to come clear..and maybe one day, we'll create closure.

each time i think of him,a part of my heart starts to weep.disappointment. there's no longer rage or am i raving mad..actually for that whole prolly 20mins after knowng abt the picture,i was pissed. but after,i realised that yes,i was disappointed in him.. gng thru so much,of holding on,sacrificing for just one thing that makes life going...love.pretty cliche,but that's how i've always been feeling.

i still love him,no doubt about that.weird,isn't it..he had hurt me so much till my heart literally bleeds yet i would wanna love him still..maybe he don't deserve to be part of me anymore,but as much as i don't want him,that's how much i want him.he made me believe his words,he lied thru his teeth and he betrayed my trust,wasn't loyal.i've always thought the best of him..regardless fights,squabbles and any arguments,i'll crawl back to him..again and again...

but this is all too much..he had hurt me deeply..getting my back pierced soon,yet i get my heart pierced instead.nobody can ever believe he would do sucha thing..as one said.."i am loss for words"..nobody.he had always been the best picture framed..and when this happens,tainted.

i cant give him another chance..maybe i can..but i wanna noe his story..i dunno y he switched off his cell since yesterday..but it seems he's avoiding me..not wanting to have the 'talk' maybe..but without that,how do we resolve things?as said..my mind is so calm rite now..if he wants me back..he gotta earn it...if he really loves me and is committed in this relationship..he gotta show it..he gotta be how he is,being the reason i fell for him..if i were to give in again,baggage.how do u trust someone who had did that at the first place?i still love him.but this is all too much..

i miss him and i wish to hear his voice soon..eventhough one day he'll see the back of me,i would rather him explaining to me first before i walk away..maybe for good...or maybe to be with him again one day...once he did wat he could do to show that he is the one i should be with..always..

thanks to my babes,seriously for being there..tsue,rai,ira,nysh,lulu and uncle..the listening ears..all the advice and all the bitchings and being mad (for me)...u guys are the greatest..thanks for understanding how i feel and withstanding my complaints and thoughts..thank you..specially to ira,who paged me all the way in facebook eversince it happened..

so it's confirmed im doing the star piercing on my back.next saturday?or next month's pay..surface piercing is expensive and it depends on ur skin of how long it'll last.but it's worth it.satisfaction to own's contentment.

and i need a drink(s).heinekin,margarita,baileys,martini or vodka?babes meet up soon.and uncle,let's go!!

again,i miss you.