.heart's.content.

sometimes it's good to reminisce..

i only had say 15-20 letters to draft..to be issued to the clients..and im already done..and i have nothing to do..was so bored hence i went back to my old blog, http://www.ladiedidi.spaces.live.com/ and read my past entries..spent prolly 2 hours reading,sia..and the memories rushed back fresh in my mind..

i wonder how come it was so hard for me to move on last time..where i keep holding on to each piece of memory hence it made everything hold me back rather to moving forward.it's like it was so and too precious that i had made that decision and choice to stay.anyone reading from a window would have seen everything so clear.that i was relunctant to move on..prolly due to feelings,but more like the memories with that person.and now when i read again,it is very much clear to me pale in comparison where i was all confused with my own emotions..gawd..

i read from ex-bfs to another..there were so many differences in how i was in that relationship..where i totally despise one,love another and neutral the other..i remember vividly one point of time while reading,the msn exchange that me and one of them had..

it went something like "i feel guilty in seeing my name in each entry in ur blog.." and "i noe i will nvr go back to u coz there's no more love,didi.." and "pls talk to me..i beg of u.."

those 3 sentences brought the best outta me as i noe that i was stupid and desperate enuf to earn one's love..to hold on to memory when it doesnt mean anything to the other..i feel dumb,to be honest..to let myself be in that position..but it was a pretty messy break-up..coz there was baggage after the whole ending..the one that i held on coz i missed and loved him still..while the other one that i realised..whooh..a totally rebound relationship,something i shouldn't have done or got myself into at the first place..lesson learned?yes,i did..

now i have ej..a year had passed and am still madly in love with him..it irks me as i read my past entries..the profanities being thrown here and there..regardless it makes my blog 'colourful',it makes me quite disgusted actually..at least now i dun cuss and swear as much,rite?and so i think..

happy wednesday,loves.