.carpe.diem?.not.

A HUGE BITCH SLAP to zul. -.-
i swear u can be super gay.HAHAHAHAHA..

yesterday was my first encounter..well,prolly would noe wat i mean when i put night+office+only 2 ppl working at that floor..freaked me out and i think that either my imaginations had run wild eversince,or it's realli happening where i hear things upon opening the office door today.and it doesnt help that im on my 2nd day of period..prolly that had triggered it to well..'disturb' us last night..

all memories are still vivid in my mind..i read my past entries..and it was super detailed(i noe..-.-) that i could just relive it and re-enact my actions..im all smiles..it had been all smiles..eventhough there were so many times where we'd quarrel..but all's good..however...

to tell the truth,the past still haunts me..that 4 months into the relationship with him where all trust was broken and i felt so betrayed..people forgive..but can never forget..i dun voice it out anymore..i dun bring up about it..coz all he would say is that 'it's the past and i already apologised..' it affects me so bad it'll be brought to my dreams which will turn out to be a nightmare once i wake up..hence,paranoia and insecurity..okay.put that aside..

now wat's realli bugging me is that 2 weeks of him gng to brunei..whenever i read those lines again,it's like gawd!!how petty,dids..but the heart is somehow feeling something's amiss each time i think about it..they'll say dun think about it..and then wat?when the time realli comes?then wat?do i just go about each day as how it gives?no can do,huney..i gotta be mentally prepared for things..so that when it happens,i noe for sure of wat i gotta do..fug.it's making me sick to the stomach as to how ns is still and such a biotch!!protect the country my ass.we'll all be dead even before the men could hold up their rifle once war comes.or maybe not.*touch wood*

the days and time's ticking..for all i noe i'll be sending him off at the airport come 12feb..valentine's can kiss my blardy ass.i still blame him for my unhappiness.but i blame him too for my happiness.now how in the world can that happen??fugginhell!!

life sucks,and then you die.

happy friday,mofos..one more night of work,dids..
one more night..