.dear.story.

say hello to tara nabeelah

when 10 months pass us by..

it was the heart ache that placed me in sucha a stressed position.of knowing tat faith can never ebb thru us anymore..and i cant take anymore of the empty promises that always happen..i would nvr know wat to do when this happens..and my decision and choice that i'll always take would be running away..though i noe that that wont help as the problem will always be there..and somehow i see myself repeating the same words again and again..that i can't take this nor do this anymore..and that was my final decision on saturday.on our 10months..

empty promises hit me like a stone in the head all over again and again..and i see myself staring at the 4 blank walls,only to get up and pack his things..numb i felt and my head felt so clear,it kills thinking that this is not because of the anger i felt..

intended to take a cab to his place..time was past 8pm..he texted and said he'll come over instead.and there we sat at starbucks..the thick silence dampened us as i fiddled with the fag i was having..not that i wanted to,but i just had to do somehing..and himself,fiddled with his mobile..

"you're sure about this?you've think it thru?dun make this decision just becoz u're angry...don't,didi..don't..i've nvr wanted this..it's my fault,i noe..im sorry..but u think that u're happy if u end this...wat abt me?i have to respect it even if i dun wanna let u go..think abt it,didi.."

"the more u ask,the more i doubt myself..pls just let me stick to the decision..i dun wanna think anymore,ej..no regrets,after everything.."

"well...gotta respect it,then....*sigh*...well,it was nice knowing u.."

he grabbed the things that i've placed bfore him..and as he said that last sentence,everything came so clear..tears welled up my eyes and cling onto my eyelids...i dun wanna cry..i dun wanna let him see me weak..ego..my ego took the better of me..and he told me not to cry..and told me that my decision was haste and it was not wat i really wanted...as tears flow freely,he wiped it...my face stony,trying hard not to cry..(eff's sake i'm in public,balls!!eyeliner!!mascara!!!) he wiped those sheer tears away and held me...

"im still here,baby...im still here..dun leave..please..wat about all those memories..10 months,baby...10 months...all effort will be wasted..stay,baby..stay.."

i curled up like a ball,with his arms enveloping me as silently i cried..."i just don't know wat to do..each time..i just don't noe wat to do,ej..."

"hush,baby..hush..."

and we stayed that way for quite a while before he cheered me up with the faces that he makes..and whispered to me of how much this relationship meant for him and us..and i noe..that each time i give up,i'm a fool to do that..it may be the best decision..but that would be for that point of time..

hence happy 10months to us...thank you,ej..thank you for guiding me and holding me still...

happy monday to you..